God has blessed me with the most wonderful job on earth, being a mom!  I set here with my grandson sleeping behind me in the play pen.   My daughter in love and 10 yo are off to get cow feed.  The 7 and 16 yo are finishing up chores upstairs and chatting away.   MJ has completed not only today's school, but tomorrows already.  

Peace flows through our home.  I find that I have reached the point that words don't work to pray.  I am way to blessed to express in human words.  God is so good!  He is so alive and busy in our lives. 

Today I finally got to see J get upset.  LOL she can get mad. She was mad over school. But her mad was very mild and more pouty than anger.   Oh well so sad! She has other things she wanted to do rather than school. Gee imagine that? She kept going to do "other" things and mom ask if school is done, "almost". Sent back in to finish.... Last time she was done except she didn't do the math. "I don't have to start it today." Wrong, you do! Bye! That was when DIL got tickled. Remember she is a home school grad. J came storming in, "How does she expect me to do this much?! She just gave me way to much!" We didn't even pretend to start school today until about 10:30. It is only 1:30 now and she ate lunch in this time table. She has looked busy but after 18 years of homeschooling it is pretty easy to spot looking busy and being busy with kids. I then came in and she was using the calculator for math. Sorry charlie! Learn to do it without. Yep she was less than happy. Life goes on! MN told her this morning mom was a tough teacher. 

I figured out why she didn't want to do the math. She lacks lots of either basic knowledge or self-esteem to do it. Or both! She was stewing as she worked and I went and hugged her and told her if she didn't know how to do it don't sweat it. It was more of where adults in her life let her down. I didn't care if we had to back up to 2nd grade I was OK with it. My goal was to teach her to balance money, use her finance so she could be a woman of worth.

We went over the math. Several of them she didn't do because she didn't know how, but with very little direction she got it so not sure if it is fear or knowledge based.

The amazing part is she found her good spirit before she finished doing it after the hug.

Then she tried "since the last subject won't take 2 minutes can I....." I grinned and said, in 2 minutes AFTER that!   She didn't take long and she was off doing what she wanted. 

DH did find out more on the homeschooling.  I want to thank everyone that is praying God IS working.  He talked to the lawyer and she thinks since it is OK in TX that it will be OK.  So DH contacted THSC and the suggest we send them an email with our reasons our experience and her name just to cover ourselves.   I have NO problem doing that!   Please keep praying that there are no snags.   I have such peace about teaching her at home.   She so needs the mommy time, the family time and the chance to go back without condemnation to fill in the gaps of changing schools her whole life have left. 

A note  about change that I sit and watch and don't even bother to let her know I see is that when she came she wanted to wear her swimsuit without a cover top, girls nixed that so she put on a top that was strings, I nixed that   The last 2 days she has swam in shorts and a top.      That is what the girls both wear.  DIL swims in boys swim trunks, a girls one piece and a t-shirt.  

I told her last night how proud I was of her and how hard I see her working not to boss.   She is really trying!   I also told her this morning when we talked that I don't expect her to be the baby sitter, the maid or cook!   She almost started crying. I ask why?   She said she didn't know what to do.  She always does those things.   I said your job is to be a kid!  I did go on to say that doesn't mean you won't have chores.  We all do!  It is part of being a family.   This afternoon I said something about she shouldn't have but 2-3 chores.  I didn't know how many she was use to.  Without missing a beat she said 7.   I am sure different places required different things.  

I guess I better finish up supper.  We are planning on fried rice and salad along with a pot of beans I cooked earlier.  Not sure how that fits into the food groups.   I may be lacking in some areas.    Oh well we will make up after produce!  

Yesterday was one of those days that you dream of.  The type where you pinch yourself to see if you are awake.   It was so peaceful and content.   I described it to a friend as just having the Holy Spirit filling my house all day.  I really thought maybe it was just me.   I ask J late yesterday afternoon how her day had been.  She first said great then she changed it to awesome.  She thought a minute and said awesome was right words just didn't do it justice. 

She worked on her school work without fuss.  I did laugh she got side tract a few times.  Once it was raining and she wanted to go play in the rain.  I ask if she was done with school.  "Almost!"  So she got to almost play in the rain.  She ask if she could work on the porch.  I said sure.  That I would give her a chance.  She did finish her writing while she and the dogs swung on the swing.  Today we add math and grammar.

I am seeing more child like behaviour. Not childish, but child like.  This is good.  She is playing with the littles.   Not parenting them.   I told her yesterday evening how proud I was of her not bossing.  She said she was trying.  She is doing a great job!  MJ was the one I told yesterday that I was the mom and he couldn't have my job!  

We have heard NOTHING from AR on the homeschooling or even a check to see how we are doing.  How J is doing.   That makes me sad.  I would have thought some of her workers would have touch base.  Oh well out of sight out of mind I guess.  DH has called trying to find out from the lawyer about the homeschool and nothing.  No return call or anything.   I am still trying to walk in faith and trust God.  Allowing dh and God to deal with it.  I do have peace most of the time that it will all work out.  

MN is still struggling.  It really came to me last night she has been having issues for a while now that I didn't notice with trying to get J.  Maybe I chose to ignore that she was more and more causing turmoil.  She was gone all day yesterday.  She got home and in less than an hour I was getting the "mom can we talk" this time from MJ.  It seems MN went out of her way to pick an argument with him and said some hurtful things.   I came down hard.  She and I talked off and on until 10.  She admitted she likes the "Power" that causing strife brings her.   I jerked that rug out from under her.  She has lost the privilege of arguing, raising her voice or other wise talking ugly to her siblings.  Today should prove interesting.   She did get up at her "normal" time to do school.  She isn't her usual chatter box self with me this morning.  I guess she is still processing.   When she gets ready to talk I will be waiting.

I don't have a lot of plans today.  Finish laundry that I didn't do yesterday because it was raining off and on.  School for the kids.  I need to make bread.   We are almost out again.   I guess I need to come up with something for supper too.   We did chicken spaghetti last night.  It was a big hit.  I have enough chicken for one more meal out of a 10 lb sack of breast I cooked on Sat.  We had chicken soup for Church on Sunday.  The leftovers for lunch yesterday and the spaghetti last night.   I am sure it will all be gone after lunch.  Maybe we will do cream of chicken soup.  I like that better than chicken noodle anyway. 

Time to start my day!  All be blessed!

What a blessed WET weekend!  God sent us rain!   I am so thankful!  We had over an inch.  It fell off and on all weekend.  

Other happenings over the weekend.  I discovered our old beef cow had died. She was either 12 or 13.  For several years she has sounded like she had a bad cold all time.   I have no clue if that got her or something else.  It looked like she was walking along and just fell over dead.   That meant her 1 month old calf needed a new mama.  Sat. kids and I worked the cows to the pen and then caught the baby.   This baby has never been touched before so it was .... interesting.   Once we got her in the pen I offered her a bottle.   She swallowed some of the warm milk, but didn't really go for it.   I separated cows and waited until Sunday morning.   I decided Baby would be the cow I tried her on first.   Since Baby is pretty bomb proof.  If she has feed she really doesn't care what or who removes milk.   We worked the calf over there and waited.  I was surprised that the baby smelled her a minute then attacked!   Once she attached she drained Baby.   Last night I used Vallie.  Again the baby did great.   I hope to adopt her to Vallie.  I have done it before so should be able this time.  

J is doing great!  Yes, she does some things that drive me nuts.  She does some testing, but no more than what is expected.  The most unexpected blessing is her joyful spirit.   We had a great talk on Sunday morning.   I shared some of the things I knew she was doing that bugged me.  Such as telling/encouraging the littles in worldly ideas.  I bluntly pointed out that in the group she will be around this would not be looked on nicely.  That she would either not be invited or would have to stay with me so that the littles didn't get that stuff.   We talked more about that and just lots of things.  Porch swings are wonderful!  One of the things I ask her is what she wants/needs from me.  I was asking lots of her, but I want to know what she wants and needs from us/me.    She thought a minute and said, "Just keep doing what your doing."   Even if you don't like it?  She nodded her head and said, "I need it."    Bless her heart!   I hugged her some more.   She also said she was trying to figure out why God put her with us.  I ask why?  She said she never dreamed she would get a good family.

I know it is so hard for her.  Keep praying for her everyone.  I can't imagine being where she is.   Yet she is such a joy!  Her spirit is so full of love and life.   Given her past and her being uprooted and moved to a very strange environment she has so much reason to be angry or bitter.  I don't sense it at all.  Confused, scared, unsure  those I feel.

Today MN is off to work with her brother.  I am sure J was taking note that MN worked hard to get today's school work done.  It was hard!  She was so torn between wanting to play and hang out and getting it done.  Mom cuts no slack on that.  If it isn't done then she doesn't go.  

J did get a few eye opening experiences yesterday.  First off she had this beautiful nightgown on for church.  Oh, not a night gown?   Hummmm I seriously thought it was!  I veto it, but decided to allow her to ask Dad.  So she goes to dad and says mom said it was OK.  Wrong thing to do!  Busted!  No appeal!  Change NOW!  Along with a stiff lecture from dad about we don't play that game!      At church she kept playing with her Bible instead of listening.   I warned her once and she said she was listening.  She was taking a quiz in her new Bible.   So I just reached over and took the Bible.      Mean mom!   Last night about 8:15 I told the girls they had 15 minutes to get ready for bed.   J looks at me and says "All of us?"  Yep, did "all of you" talk way late last night after we ask for quite upstairs?  Little girls nodded while J took the "not me" approach.   Wrong answer!  It was amazing.  Last night the talk tapered off into quite MUCH earlier.  MJ got to stay up until 9    J's face was priceless when she realized she was going to bed at 8:30.    I had warned them the night before. 

Today J starts homeschool.  I am sure it will be an interesting shock!  I should have the last of her books tonight.  For today she is going to Read her Bible and come up with 2 thoughts/questions out of Romans 10. That's where we are studying in church.  Then do her journal and read a chapter in Lies Young Women Believe.   She is also going to have to re-read and find 3 thoughts/questions in the first chapter of Do hard Things.  Math and Grammar will start tomorrow.   We are also going back to the posted chore charts.   Swimming won't happen if school and chores aren't done.  I may also roll people out of bed MUCH earlier if they don't do school correctly tomorrow

Other plans today.... laundry?  If it isn't raining.  Well even if it is!  I just will holed off washing jeans.   I need to make some granola.  We are out!   We have been out for 2 weeks so a double/triple batch would get ate.  

I guess I need to stop writing and start being mom and accomplish stuff.  All have a blessed day!

I thought I would share some of the pictures I took.  

This was the view from our camp.  That is the White River (I think).   It was running pretty full.  

When we came back from meeting J and picking her up this was the same shot.   Don't you love the fog?

The fog was quickly taking over the bridge and the river. 

Until finally............

Yep all 4 kids!   Admiring the river until they discovered mom snapping pictures. 

Now to share what the fog meant to me.  I love fog.  I love walking in fog.   How many times in the Bible does God appear in a cloud which sounds just like fog?   Here are a few examples....

Exodus 16:10
While Aaron was speaking to the whole Israelite community, they looked toward the desert, and there was the glory of the LORD appearing in the cloud.

Exodus 19:9
The LORD said to Moses, "I am going to come to you in a dense cloud, so that the people will hear me speaking with you and will always put their trust in you." Then Moses told the LORD what the people had said.

1 Kings 8:10
When the priests withdrew from the Holy Place, the cloud filled the temple of the LORD.

Fast fwd to Sunday Morning.....

J getting Baptized

She is wearing my shirt.     It was even the one I wore when I was baptized.  How is that for a strange happening?  

Something I found "different" about the baptising was that there were 3 teens getting baptized and I was the only parent/adult back there helping them hugging them and other wise being supportive.  Maybe it is just the stock tank/horse trough mentality but everyone gathers around and is involved.  It is note worthy.  Pictures are taken, hugs given and ......   It is very muchly a time of rejoicing.   It is a life changing event.  Not a quick dunk and then church goes on like nothing happened.  I know I am very spoiled to our out of the box church.   

Hope everyone enjoys the pictures! 

As we were packing milk to take to a friend yesterday morning I heard CRASH!  Then felt something cool and wet on the back of my pants.  MN had allowed a full cold GALLON of milk to slip out of her hands.  Anyone know how far a gallon of milk can spread and splatter when it shatters the jar?  I glanced behind me and started saying KITTY KITTY KITTY!!!!!!  Kids started gathering glass. I finished pouring milk and washed up as they brought every critter they could find that might want milk in.  After we fill the critters we mopped up the rest and got back on schedule to go visit a friend.  

I had made bread to take and fished the peach cobbler out of the freezer.   I really need to do that again only make a bunch!  We have one left.  They taste fresh and good when we warm them. 

Then we were off for a fun filled day of fellowship.   We went to a friends house and two other friends came. Total kid count was..... 4, 3, 6, 4... so 17 kids and 4 moms. J hung out with us moms until swimming then went swimming with the littles. She was the oldest. Two of the other moms have girls in her age range but for different reasons they didn't get to come. We did get to meet one later as I picked her up in town and delivered her home.

Today we will have known J in person one week.  So how long does the honeymoon last? So much I was told about her isn't true, but the part about if we meet her we will fall in love is very true. She is very very likable! She isn't underfoot near as much as MN is. She isn't the chatter bug that MN is. She is helpful and enjoyable. That said she also doesn't put her stuff up until ask... twice! at least She is full of sunshine.

Today has been funny in reality has really been knocking on J's door all day.   She keeps getting glimpse.  It is funny in that her idea of real and mine are so different.  I am working hard to treat her just like my other 3.  I would say adding that she is 16 and giving her that, but you have to act 16 to be treated 16 here.   She is wonderful and easily directed but NOT 16!  

Some examples of reality.  We had smoothies for breakfast.  MY smoothies with the exception of adding 2 over ripe bananas to make them sweeter.  They were spinach, flax seed, almonds, mixed fruit and honey.   They were GREAT!  Grand baby got his share and wanted more.  Kids and DIL all agreed they were good.  J drank hers and said it was OK.     More of our different world!

Off to town we go!  First stop is the thrift store.  I allow each one $5.  They are having a 1/2 price on school clothes sale so they could get a LOT.  She needs boots/shoes that are made for more rugged walking than streets.  She didn't like the boots.  OK.  She did look at a long skirt like DIL wears.  She even carried it around a while.  She ended up with nothing.  I have a feeling the fact she told me she was a Jr. and I said ha!  might have played into it.  Some of the ladies small shirts she liked wouldn't even almost fit.      Kids did find a few things. 

Off to the Christian Book Store!  Oh oh I shouldn't go in there!  I really really shouldn't.   I spent way to much.  I did buy her a new Bible.  It is an NIV Teen Girl Bible.   I also got several books on purity and "Lies Young Women Believe".   She was way to busy looking at music and such to notice what I got.  MN knows exactly what I got!  

Next stop pizza!   I order, 3 adults, 2 kids 5 waters.   "I really wanted soda."  "So sorry, soda's are horrible for you and a RARE treat here."   Then after pizza she came back with two deserts.  I said one desert.    She did the pout then shared one with MJ.   MJ ask once if J was drinking soda.  I looked at him and said, "Do I care about J? Would I give her something that wasn't good for her?"  He agreed I cared and wouldn't.  

On to Sams!   I think that was uneventful.   Other than she did ask for a candy bar.    Not happening.   Every sweet thing she saw she has tried and it is good. 

Walmart!   We were looking for a birthday present for grand daughter.   MN wanted to get her horses. So she picked that.  But since she is going to have a new baby brother in about 5 months I wanted to get her a baby doll.  J just kept playing with and was so interested in the dolls I tossed an extra in the cart.  Maybe this is a missed milestone she needs to go back and play with dolls.   We did find her some shoes she liked that weren't to expensive.  She was good at starting looking $$$$ and when I pointed out the price would look at others.  

After that the transmission messed up on the car.  GRRRR!  I called dh and we all fit in the truck to go to therapy.   Therapy was great!  I shared a long time with Dr.  Then when it was kids turn MN was crying.  She had her feelings hurt.  It really was innocent.  J has nicked named T "angel" which for MN brings back memories of a bad time in her life.  So it overflowed!  What better place than the therapist office.  We talked to MN, then Dr talked to all the other kids.   Want to hear how cool God is?  She had a cancellation and we got an extra hour!  She never has a 5:30 cancellation she said   Yea, God!   He gets the glory!  

Oh one more funny.  J saw the tictacs in the car and ask for one.  I said everyone could have one. She wanted 2.  I took the container out of her hands and passed it back to the others.  She then was happy with one.  Sorry, maybe next time.  Littles enjoyed them.    

Dad brought us home we had a quick supper and got ready for bed.  Long day!

We did discover we have baby peafowl again.  Four more babies.    Now it is mommy bed time!  All be blessed. 

I'm really not sure where the week has went!   Today is therapy and town day.   I have a long list.  We are going to swing by and look for some boots/shoes for J that fit country life.  Then on to the Christian Book Store for more "school" work.  I have a list of books recommendations.  We will be looking and choosing the one that seems best today.  I want one with a work book also.   That way there is more easy accountability in it.     Then on to the grocery store and therapy.  If we get out of therapy in time we will run get a friends beef.  I have freezer room for it until she can come get it. 

Tomorrow we are going to a friends house.  That will be fun.  I am glad I have a frozen peach cobbler.  I can pull it out and have a nice dish to take with no effort.  I think I should buy some more foil pans and make more.  

Yesterday was a very good day.   Are we honeymooning?  Probably   At least in part.  We had some more serious talks about what is expected of her in the area of boys.   I don't think she liked that it was a totally hands off approach.  That she wasn't to flirt or have physical contact or even try to get them to look at her.   I even told her the consequence of it.  She would be glued to mom.   I pointed out that to have young men look at her for her acts of service and her modesty and her heart is much more worth while than her body.  That her body will sag in time.   She wants a husband that will stick by her sags or what ever.   All of this is so new and so different for her.  It is almost not even a language she speaks.  

MN is frustrated because she feels J isn't listening to her as she offers "advice".   She talked late to dad and I about it.  We reminded her how long it took for her to choose to change.  How we had to keep loving and forgiving her over and over and over ......... I again reminded her we can only offer a different view.  We are sowing seeds.  It is Gods dept. to water them and J has to be willing to accept them.  As long as we can stand before God and be able to say we tried our best to teach her to be Godly then we are OK.  God will bless that.   The rest is between J and God.  We aren't to judge, just love her not her past or even her present sins.    On one level MN gets that, but then she goes back to wanting to help J feel free of her past hurts and so she again feels frustrated.  It is frustrating to me and at the same time makes my heart cry for joy to see how much she wants to help and to give of herself.  Such a change from the self-centered angry child that came into our home 3 years ago.  

MJ is feeling left out.  He wanted a brother!  He PRAYED for a brother.     I told him to keep praying.  That we were still very open once J was settled.   I told him to just keep praying.  He still feels left out but MN is making an effort to include him and seek him out just to hang with.

T is still trying to be cute.  She wants J to like her.  So she is willing to not tell J if she is doing something mom won't approve of.  Last night she did that and I made her go appoligize to J because she allowed J to do something mom wouldn't like.   She sure didn't like that!  I hope a few times of having to go after the fact and speak truth she will decide it is just easier to speak it first.  

One of the things we have talked about is that real friends speak up when someone is doing wrong.  That those are the friends you can trust.  While people that allow you to do wrong and don't speak up aren't the type friends you want.  I challenge them to be the type friend that helps their friends grow and stay safe.

Time to get off here and start my day.  I have 2 kids up 2 kids napping still.  It is kinda nice for the 2 up to have "quite" time together before the other two get up.  

Our first full day home. Morning was spent with the littles doing school while Daughter in Love and J sorted through tons of clothes. The back of the excursion was over filled with her stuff. Most of it is OK if she was a size small. She is a size medium/large both top and bottom. She so muchly has my build it is funny. (poor kid!) MN was most helpful in pointing out she didn't loose near as many clothes as they did. I didn't bother pointing out that many of her keeper clothes won't really get to be worn because they fit like a second skin. They are just acceptable if they are the right size. She and I went over the "questionable" but wanted to keep.  She didn't like it when I would ask if she would be comfortable wearing that for Jesus?...    I want her to be a Godly Young Woman I would remind her. 

We sat on the swing and talked some about what she expected in a family. I told her I was sure she was overwhelmed with everything. That I didn't know what she expected with us. She said she really expected it to be much like it is. This kinda surprised me. I ask her and you still wanted to come. She nodded and said she needs this. She wants this. Then we talked about the real J that is hidden behind the J that wants to fit in. The J I have caught glimpse of. The one I want to get to know but that I'm not even sure she knows. She said she does know her. I ask her to tell me about her. She said there wasn't much to tell. She is shy and scared. Loves God, and wants to be loved for who she is not what she looks like. Tears were rolling down her face at this. Of course I hugged her! Yea tears here too! We talked some more and went back to life around here.

I gave her a school assignment. She had to write in her Journal and read chapter 1 of "Do Hard Things". She procrastinated on doing it. I did point out once that I didn't care if she did it outside or on the deck or where. She later ask if she could read her book instead of the one I wanted. I ask her if she wanted to swim. She did... guess you better read mine then and write. She did the pouty lip, I did the pouty lip, she smiled and shortly started it.

Late this evening T and J made MN cry. They had been ugly to her because she wanted to wear her boys swim trunks and t shirt instead of a swim suit and t shirt. She didn't come tattling but was just sad faced and when we said something she melted and told us. Since T swims all time in shorts and a T I knew what was going on. They had to get out of the pool. I confronted them and they admitted they had said something, but they "weren't being ugly." They lost swimming. I talked to each one separately. Made each one cry separately. T and I talked about following and choosing what is right. What she has been taught. I ask her if she knew she hurt MN's feelings. She said not when she said it. I said but before you came down stairs did you? Yes. We talked some more about how we treat people etc. I ask her if she had to stand before Jesus today how did she think He would feel about it. She was blubbering and said "He wouldn't like it, I was mean."  She really seemed sad she had hurt her sister.

Then it was J's turn. Different approach! I talked about how when MN came she came much like J thinking her body was meant to be shown off as a sex object. She has worked hard and it has been very painful to learn that she has worth. She doesn't have to grow up to be someones sex object. That it is her body and she has the right to keep it pure and protect it. As we talked about this area and what my hopes and dreams were for her. That she would be a Godly Woman, that she would be an awesome wife, or teacher or what ever God calls her to be. That she would be a wonderful parent her whole body language changed from leary to a puddle. I held her and she cried and we talked some more about how special she was and how worthy she is. She then ask me to call MN over. She hugged her and cried some more and apologized and ask her to forgive her. When MN did she thanked her. Still hanging on to her.

All in all I think it was a great day! MN is the one struggling the most. Mainly because she is so wise in so many ways and sees so much that she doesn't approve of. She wants to wave a magic wand over J and heal all her hurts. She want to help J like I helped her. Yea, she is a bit pushy about it. I did tell J if she gets to bugging her yell out! Her heart is in the right place, she is just pushy.

Continue to pray on the school issue.  It really is an area I am struggling to lay down to God.  The world has had her for 16 years!  It's time for her to have family/God time to be allowed to mature in Christ, not more of the world.   I know God can work on her no matter where she is.  I know He can protect her no matter where she is.  Maybe I am selfish in not wanting to share her right now with the world.  I want to shelter her and mother her and teach her God's way. 

Continue to pray for meshing of our family.  It is meshing well because of every one's prayers.  MN especially needs some extra prayers as she looses her "big bossy sister" roll.  J is all that also and older   

Hope everyone has a blessed tomorrow!  I am off to bed!  It is hard to write right now during the day, with meeting every one's extra needs as we adjust. 

Today's the day!   Today we all get to learn a new balance with a new person in our family.  It doesn't matter if you bring a baby home from the hospital or what adding changes things.  Today we start down the road of discovery. 

We have cleaning the RV and laundry on the to do list.  Littles have school.  J and I are going to set and discuss explanations on both sides.     She has bags and bags and trash sacks and trash sacks of clothes to unpack    I will be asking her to sort as she unpacks the clothes she feels won't work here so we can look and discuss them.  

The girls have to be dragging.  They "chatted" until 11ish last night    Or maybe the dragging will happen in a few hours.  For now all is happy.  

I am going to send kids and cart to the RV for dirty clothes and start that monster task.   Then off to milk.  Then I will do breakfast and we will chat.  

I also want to download pictures from the trip. 

All be blessed!