We get every thing and every one loaded for Church. MN decides to once more go out of her way to TRY and get J in trouble. WRONG move! I demand a reason. I get junk. I set with the car running waiting. DH comes back to see what is going on. She hands him come cock and bull story about feeling like she was in trouble this morning.

I kill the car and get out. That was the straw that broke the trip to church. I unloaded my purse and Bible. We WILL be staying home. I didn't need much reason and playing referee was more than enough reason. MN is upset and mad and not exactly happy. After she has changed I give her the choice of talking or not. She finally decides to talk so to the swing we go.

We swing and swing. She admits she is jealous of J. No surprise there. I congratulate her on being real. This circle of talking and not goes on, no eye contact to speak off. Finally I start getting some. I ask her if she knows why she is jealous of J. She doesn't know. I ask her if she wants to see what Jesus will show her. She is willing. So I take her hands and she shuts her eyes and I start praying that God will take her back into her memory to the root of this feeling of jealousy for J. In a bit she opens her eyes. She then explains that the picture God gave was of her and her bio mom and and T walking. Bio is snuggling T and MN is left out. She sees J as T and Bio as me. I then ask her to go back and see what Jesus has to say about J. She shuts her eyes and we pray and when she opens them she says, “Your not bio, and J just wants someone to love her.” I ask her how she feels about J at this point. “Not nearly as angry.” So we talk a little more. Then my very wise daughter comes up with an exercise we need to all do.

She explains we need to all write down what Love means. Not just Love, but Heart love and Head love. That they are different and mean different things to different people. Then we need to set at the table and read them and talk about them. So we do. That really is a tough exercise if you are honest. Heart love and brain/mind/head love are very different.

After we have talked about it for a while I feel led to ask T why she keeps making choices that get her in trouble. No answer. I ask her if she is willing to let Jesus help her figure it out. She agrees. I take her hands and she sets in front of me as I pray asking Jesus to take her back in her memories to find why she keeps making choices that get her in trouble. I ask that He be with her as she goes back. I remind her she is safe as she goes back in her memories. When I look up tears are rolling down her face. Now you have to understand T doesn't cry when things get serious, she gets funny. I have saw her cry over her past a couple of times period. I knew we were going deep. I gathered her in my arms. As I rocked her and held her tight I whispered she was safe to tell me what she saw. She began with seeing a baby in bio's arms. Bio put the baby down and started beating both MN and MJ. They started screaming. Bio dad was also in on the beating and screaming and yelling at them to “Shut up”. The “baby” was afraid and started crying. At that point she couldn't tell me what else happened. I kept asking her what happened to the baby. Her body would twitch and jerk and she was sobbing. As I rocked and comforted she finally was able to tell about the baby being slapped and yelled at and called names. As we rocked I ask her to let Jesus speak truth. She shut her eyes and we went back again into her memories. Once she had opened her eyes I told everyone who were still setting at the table they could leave. I look at J she is totally about to loose it. She almost falls into my lap. Remember I am still holding T. She is now taking up the other side of my lap. She is sobbing that she knows what T feels. That she understands how bad their abuse was. T is sobbing on the other shoulder, so I do what any good mom would do. I sob on both their shoulders! As I am sobbing I am telling J that by facing the past and learning the truth they will be free. That God's truth will set you free. I then ask T to tell J what Jesus told her. She looks at J and says “I'm safe.” Then I ask her what He said about the name calling. “That it isn't true. I'm not dumb or stupid.” This said not to me but directly into J's face. J is still sobbing. As she gets a little but under control I ask T how she feels. I am rewarded with a HUGE grin and hug. I ask her if it is OK if she gets down so I can help J. Off she scoots.

I turn to J and ask if she wants to go back down memory lane to help heal herself. She nods and away we go. I take her hands and start praying as she shuts her eyes. I ask Jesus to show her in her past what she is afraid of. I don't even know exactly what I ask. But she goes back to where she is 5 and her step dad is beating her and telling her she is worthless and should be dead. She is sobbing as she tells me this and relives it. Then I ask Jesus to show her the truth. This is beyond words beautiful to me. She tells me Jesus was there, protecting her. He was pushing her away! Yes, there was wonder in her voice and tears as she spoke these words. I ask about the hurtful words. Again with wonder she said they weren't true.

I then ask her if she would go back one more time. She agreed and I ask Jesus to show her why she was afraid to love us. To be part of our family. More tears! As the tears flowed she said she couldn't because her step dad was haunting her. He wouldn't let her. I ask her if she wanted him out of her life. She did so more praying as we went back to where she allowed this “spirit” to attach. She told it to leave several times, each time with more force. She said it left, she felt it go. I ask her when she had allowed it to attach. She said, “Seventh Grade.”. We talked about how she will need to be on guard and how she needs to fill herself with God. She said she feels good. That she feels free.

It will be interesting to see how this day of NOT going to church effects each of us.

MN is devouring The Shack. I suggested that both she and J take turns reading a chapter. J didn't want to. MN started and is on chapter 8! No make that chapter 9! Is she getting it? Well, we are talking about each of the chapters since the chapter called “The Great Sadness.” No, she isn't getting everything but then did any one else get all the layers the first reading? Much less reading at the speed of light! I am hoping J will get with the program and start really reading it. I am betting it will become assigned reading in the morning.